27 Nov 7 Common Mistakes made by a Mother of the Bride
Being a mother of 2 daughters, and the director of one of Sydney’s busiest bridal stores, I have witnessed first -hand the trials, tantrums and triumphs when mothers and daughters tread the minefield of planning a wedding.
So I have decided to share with you a list I have compiled from feedback I have received from my brides, their mothers, and also from overhearing some of the sometimes “robust” conversations between mothers and daughters.
These issues raised can hold true for mother in laws, aunts or besties as you see fit!
1. ‘You are not even listening to me’
Research tells us that although we often hear (or select only the bits we want to hear) we may not often be really listening to what others are telling us. Newly minted bride’-to-be are just as new to this as you, so try to be patient with often conflicting and changing ideas.
2. Reliving your own wedding.
Sometimes, it is a matter of mothers trying to ensure that their daughter does not commit the same mistakes that they made on their wedding day. It could be a result of – ‘I had a very limited budget for my wedding so I want my daughter to have all the bells & whistles! Spare no expense’ – whereas the bride-to-be would rather something small and intimate.
Although you want what you perceive to be the best for your daughter, remember to be mindful of her own vision.
3. Control of the budget.
This is often a cause of friction, usually caused by either party not having a very clear idea of the budget and who is going to pay for what. Often, if parents are paying for the bulk of expenses, understandably they feel that they should have a rather large say in where the money should be spent. The best way to handle this one is deal with it early and just in case ‘someone is not listening’ – put it in writing.
4. Gazumping your daughter’s soon to be Mother in Law.
We occasionally witness, dare I say it, a bit of jealousy between the Mums. It is good for mothers to remember that a sensible and thoughtful daughter will do her best to “bond” with her new mother in law, don’t take it personally as though she is trying to replace you. Take it as a complement to your own parenting skills!
5. Opinion injury.
Is a common wound inflicted by well-meaning mothers when bridal gown shopping with their daughters. I have witnessed a bride walk out of the change room with tears of joy that she had found “the gown”; for a mother to opine bluntly that she did not like it.
This is one time when you should watch the body language of your daughter before you give an opinion. If the bride has bonded with a gown – let no mum put a sunder! If (in your opinion) it is truly hideous perhaps encourage her to “try one more gown” before making that final decision, but ultimately the final choice must be hers.
Particularly if your relationship is frosty, can make the planning process difficult and occasionally revive old wounds. If your daughter has maintained a relationship with your ex, you must respect this. This is of the many times in your children’s life that you and your ex have to behave yourself and put your family first.
7. Holding a grudge.
Often at the beginning of the planning process things can get a bit fraught and harsh words spoken. It may be an early disagreement about budget, the reception venue or any number of small details. Remember this is a joyful journey, do not allow the small bumps in the road spoil this significant family event.